Sisterhood Of The World Bloggers Awards.

I’ll start off by saying a massive thank you to Dounia for nominating me. You have no idea how pleased I am. I’ve had this blog for half an year now though I haven’t posted much but still. I’m new to this so I don’t quite have an idea as to how this really works, bear with me.

Follow her! https://doushiebuz.wordpress.com/

SBA

THE RULES:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site.
2. Put the award logo on your blog.
3. Answer the ten questions they’ve set you.
4. Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Nominate ten people.

The Questions I Had To Answer:

1. Who are you? The truly you, I mean.

A. I don’t really know to be honest. After thinking about it a bit, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just your average teenage girl trying to make it through without having to struggle to much, I’d like to think of myself as a daydreamer. Someone who is not that easy to get to know, but once I do let you in, and once you get to know me, it wouldn’t take me a second’s thought to take a bullet for you.

2. What most important life lesson have you learned through your life?

A. That you always have to be there for yourself even if anybody else is or not. That your happiness should and does rely completely on  yourself. Once you decide to strive towards something, no hurdle in your way can knock you down, no matter how big it is, you just have to learn to love yourself for who you are and all else will be just fine. I know it’s easier said than done, but I believe there’s nothing you can’t do as long as you’re determined.

3. Do you love yourself? If not, why?

A. I’m kind of lost on this one because I really don’t know. I don’t know if I love myself yet but I sure as hell am striving towards it. I’ve never thought of myself as someone who’d just live their life pitying others and myself, but more as someone who doesn’t just like to sit around instead wants to go out and change things. So there are some things I’d like to change about myself in order for me to be completely satisfied with the person that I am and to be able to love that person.

4. Give the 5 compliments that has stayed with you during all this time.

A. I don’t know exactly what this means but:

  • “You’re brave.”
  • “I like your self confidence, never let it die.”
  • “You make me glad to be alive.”
  • “Thank you for existing.”
  • I often get told that I have this will to change the world and that I should work towards it with all I have.

5. What do you want to achieve in your life badly? Why?

A. There are A LOT of things I’d like to achieve before I die. What tops my list will always be, ‘to have peace of mind’. I want to be able to be completely satisfied and happy with my life and the people in it and I know that now’s not that time. I want to be able to go to sleep at night and look forward to the next morning instead of hoping it doesn’t arrive and most of all, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror someday and say, “hey, you made it.”

6. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be and why?

A. One thing I’d always wish I could change was the mentality of the people I’m surrounded with and have grown up with. I know it sounds weird and ignorant but I have always had a feeling that if the people around me were more open-minded and had a more positive view towards things, I would not be as mentally damaged as I am today and would be able to look at life with a more positive perspective.

7. What would you choose: friends, success or friends, happiness? Why?

A. Friends. I feel that if I have the right friends who are neither fake nor delusional when it comes to our friendship, happiness is guaranteed to come along with it. Once you know you’re hanging out with the right people who’ll never let you down and will always be there for you, what more can you ask for?

8. What would you want to see changing in the world? Why?

A. Oh man, SO many things. Racism ((stop it already)), sexism ((!!)), slut-shaming, body-shaming, anti-choice people, murders, mass killings, war, rich people who take disadvantage of their status and use their money to fuck the world up, homophobia ((seriously why is this even a thing)), terrorism, the oppression and shaming of women simply because they’re woman, shaming and killings of Muslims, black people, homosexuals, and so many more, only because they’re not who you think they should be. Just all of these things, we need to put an end to them, and we need to do it soon.

9. What inspires you daily to keep fighting for what you want?

A. The fact that there will be a day when I would’ve finally made it. When I’ll have finally gotten what I worked so hard to get and I’d finally be able to look the people – who told me I couldn’t do it – in the eyes, and say, “I did it. I fucking did it.”

10. At last: name five things you’re proud of doing.

A.

  • Being so open minded and of positive attitude towards life and people.
  • Of helping others through stuff I know I’d need help with if I’d gone through it.
  • Making online friends and helping them realize their worth.
  • Being the person I wish I had when I was younger.
  • Writing this blog.

X X X

I don’t know that many people here so I’ll just nominate three.

Nominees:

  1. http://oblivionwithwords.blogspot.com/
  2. https://applesaucesome.wordpress.com
  3. http://ultimatemindsettoday.wordpress.com/

Questions:

  1. Are you proud of who you are?
  2. If you were given a chance to look into your future, would you take it? Explain.
  3. Does life really start for you at the end of your comfort zone or is that just a silly saying?
  4. What are your views on political wars? Is politics even important?
  5. If you were to bring about a certain change in the world that’d stay forever, what would it be?
  6. If you could delete or alter an event in the history of the world, what would it be and why?
  7. What things do you aspire to change in either yourself or your life?
  8. Would you rather choose: a) success over freedom, b) fans over friends, c) fame over family, and why?
  9. Do you have a certain goal in life? And if so, what motivates you to work towards it?
  10. Do you believe in god? Explain.
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Skinny Love

Inspiration and Expiration

Thoughts of you
I cannot consign to words
The day we met,
The nights I want to forget
You were the fire that
Turned me into ash
I was a dream
That never came true
And as I watched you slip away
Before my eyes
Far, far away from my reach
That I realized,
I could’nt keep something that
Wasn’t meant for me
But in my heart
I prayed for you to stay
And on a rainy day,
We did finally fade away..

-A

(Originally published in Us Magazine, The News International 30th May, 2014)
http://magazine.thenews.com.pk/mag/detail_article.asp?id=8048&magId=9#

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Homeward Bound.

Let me just start by stating a fact most of us know to be true, being human is not easy. It might easily be the hardest thing I have ever had the misfortune of going through.

X X X

I used to think of myself and all those around me as this indescribable creature that had these giant wings that were bound to make them fly anywhere they wanted and however they wanted. Turns out that was only my version of a perfect world. Turns out that this visionary creature that was my definition of humans was only just a teeny tiny part of them the better side of me refused to see.

See, I wasn’t always like this, so “cold and heartless”, in the words of my beloved mother. I wasn’t always this naive and, somewhat delusional. At least that’s how people see me. For those who truly know me, have spent time with me, know how I am as a person, they look at me different than anyone who’s only recently met me.

To those who do know me, I’m that “emotionless girl who never feels.. anything, neither sorry, nor sympathetic to any other struggling soul”. I don’t like to think of myself as that. I do feel. Quite frankly I feel much more than I intend to. But maybe that’s just how I am built to be.

See, it’s not always how it seems. I may come off as rude and selfish and cold, but trust me, I never intend to.

It’s almost like I’m two completely different souls merged into one body. What I appear to be to most fellow beings, is a gullible and callow young girl who knows nothing of the world and is perhaps, living in a bubble. But see, a bubble can pop. That’s the thing with bubbles, you blow out a bubble and you watch it fly, it’ll just be casually flying about in open air, without a care in the world, and you’ll be standing there watching it go in awe and then, without you ever really noticing, that bubble pops mid-flight. And there’s a shudder of disappointment that might go through your mind but you brush it off, because.. well, it’s just a bubble.

But see, my story is different. When they tell me that I’m ‘living in a bubble’, a part of me will believe them, but a part of me won’t, I might argue about how they’re wrong nevertheless, or I might stay quiet and not say anything.

But the thing is, the bubble I live in, has made home over a volcano. I do want to get out of that dreadful bubble because it has hold me captive, I’m aware that I am, in fact, a slave to it, but no matter how hard I try and how badly I want to break free, I know that I can’t. I know, because I’ve seen it happen before. Not to me, but to someone who I care about. See, if I somehow do manage to break free, it’ll be a lot like stabbing yourself in the foot with an axe. Yes, I will be free, I will have freed myself from that awful slavery of a goddamn bubble, and yes, I will have made it out alive, but would I have really?

Notice how I mentioned my bubble of a home flying over a oh so very deadly and oh so very alive volcano? Now, if I do manage to make it out, I’ll fall into a boiling monster of a lava waiting to devour me, and whatever will be left of me will have to quiver its way to its final annihilation.

So, in conclusion, I’m living my life in a constant battle between my two selves; the one that is trapped within a bubble, and the other that dreads whatever is to come it’s way after it breaks ‘free’ of it.

I guess I never really can be free, but maybe that’s just how far my imagination is taking me.

*** So, here’s hoping, that one day, someday, the universe will work together in conspiring to help me achieve my destiny, instead of dragging me against it. Maybe one day, someday, the wind will decide to come closer, whisper, “I’m proud of you” and then, using all of its force, will carry me away from the horrible, forever dreaded volcano, and then maybe – when I’m finally where I’m meant to be, the place that had been waiting for me all my life without me ever really knowing it, the trees will cheer for me, the autumnal leaves will hustle altogether as tribute to my undying courage, the dandelions will all dance together in celebration for I will have finally made it and the stars, oh the stars, they will all shine for me as they chant in unison;

“YOU MADE IT.”

A pakistani girl.

Holy shit.

My Blog

‘Mubarak ho! Beti paida hui hai.’ Your mother holds you for the first time in her arms and you’re so tiny that you fit in perfectly. She looks at you, forgets the pain and kisses your forehead. ‘Meri pyaari beti. Welcome to the world.’ She says.

The nurse takes you away so that you meet your family. Your father is the second person to hold you. The words of the azaan echo in the room. You know he loves you because you’re his little princess. Then you meet the rest of your family. You look at your daddi and notice that she’s not so happy. Why? Because you’re a girl.

The first few years of your life are perfect. You start crawling but your mom has to be careful. There could be something on the floor that could hurt you. So she cleans the house for you. Every little thing…

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